Conservative Healthcare Tips

Content note: victim blaming, assault, guns

Many people are worried about what they’ll do if the Affordable Care Act is repealed, as many GOP politicians have promised to do. If that happens, everything will be just fine. Here are some useful tips brought to you by the Conservative Lifestyle Coalition of American Freedom to make this transition a bit easier.

-Expensive healthcare plans can be difficult to manage on a low income. You should chose to make more money.

-Often the biggest expenses can come from having to pay a high deductible after your covered visits are exhausted. You can avoid visiting the doctor that often by not getting sick or injured or having any chronic health problems.

-Remember that whatever health problems you have are probably the result of bad decisions that you alone are responsible. This won’t help with costs, just remember that it’s your fault.

-If you ever begin to feel like socialized medicine might be a better system just remember that it’s important to be fiscally responsible. It would be better to just keep going to the ER and accruing debt that you can’t pay off. At least that system is fiscally responsible.

-Really when you stop to think about it, going to the doctor at all is a bit too much top-down interference. Just let the “free market” that is your internal organ set-up determine whether you live or die. No need to drag meddling “experts” in.

-A good many people are being driven to “alternative” medicines to allow them to self-medicate without pesky regulations interfering with their choices. This is clearly a good thing and will never be abused by opportunistic scam artists. Basically, the more regulations you have, the less efficient things go. So if you have no regulations at all your body will work at it’s most efficient yet, getting you from birth to the grave in record time. 

-If you are not able to afford insurance and can’t get Medicaid because it has been justly cut to near non-existence, try to make sure that you use the goons hired by the collection agency to get treatment. Instead of getting that expensive knee surgery, just say “What are ya gonna do, break my legs?” Then the brutal assault on your knees will commence making your legs just fine. OK, it might not fix it, but it can’t make it any worse, your knees are pretty fucked up.

-Your healthcare problems could really just be fixed by an attitude change. It’s time to stop letting “disease” victimize you. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Especially if the disease you have has something to do with droopy boots.

-Some injuries might be caused by violence perpetrated by other people. Just in case, you should make sure you are heavily armed at all times. Yes, guns are an expensive thing to keep around, but spending hundreds of dollars a month buying guns is surely cheaper than having healthcare. It’s a preventative measure.

If these tips don’t help, just remember that if we had socialized medicine the streets would be littered with corpses because of long lines in the hospital. Then socialized mortuaries would be clogged up with long lines. The point is that we must make any and all sacrifices to avoid long lines.