Content note: sex, kink, slutshaming
By creationist Harry Trunckles
While there is debate about how inaccurate most sciences are, the one thing we can all agree on is that geology is the most immoral. This I know first-hand as my wife left me for a geologist. That proves that all geologists are dirty little homewreckers. And I constantly start fist fights with "Dr. Todd" which proves all geologists are violent. Afterward, I'd get arrested which proves all geologists are little squealers.
I didn't used to hate science so much, but Todd made sure I found out how evil all geologists (and thus all scientists) are. First off, geologists are constantly holding rock orgies. I went to one before Anna left me for that fucker, Todd, and let me tell you it was a den of sin. There was metamorphic rock in every position you could think of. There were men probing the virgin orifices of stones, while voyeuristic leches stared on. Anna said that the presenter was trying to explain how igneous rock changes to sedimentary rock over time and that I’m just projecting my own thoughts about sex onto an innocent lecture, but I know pornography when I see it.
Think about that the next time your college-age kid talks about their geology classes. These kinky geolotrixes are way into subduction and they're using the college system to subduct kids into this perverse lifestyle!
The “earth sciences” are just another word for despair. There is no way you could be moral if geology were true. Rocks don't behave morally at all. They're constantly crashing into one another or stealing bits of material from other rocks. This is all part of Lord Kelvin's underlying principle of geology "Survival of the strata-est." Are you shocked though? All that destruction...nature truly is red in mantle and core.
Science tells us that the rocks formed from lava and other natural processes. But if it’s true that the formation of rocks isn't divine, then what’s to stop me from becoming a serial killer? Nothing at all. Look here geologists, nowhere in you precious theory of "tectonics" does it explain human suffering. The problem of Tectodicy remains.
As a rule, stay away from the "Three Gs": Geology, Geography, and Geometry. Those fields are subtly pushing an agenda of Earth-over-God worship. At least geomancy is more honest about what it is trying to promote.
Some of you may not be convinced on the moral arguments yet, but remember that it is a slippery slope. Geologists go around prying out rocks with their pickaxes now, but just wait until they start digging out rocks with their penises or boobs. I see the way those loose geologist women look at the strata ready to rub their labias all over those sinful rocks.
And when it comes to facts, Noah's Ark alone disproves this entire field of study. A flood across the entire planet left seashells on top of the mountains. Geologists offer an alternative view that the mountains pushed themselves up out of the oceans. Pro tip: the evolutionists already tried that when they said two rocks made the Big Bang a million years ago. Try a new lie. There is actually one other explanation for the shells I have to consider, which is that Satan has been placing them to deceive us like he did with the dinosaur bones. But it wouldn't make any sense for him to lead us to Biblical truth, so I'm skeptical of this scientific theory.
This was a sample chapter from our book, Explain THAT, Science!
If this sort of thing is your cup of tea, go on and grab a copy of the book.