Explain THAT, Science!: Thermodynamics

Content note: fire

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By creationist Harry Trunckles

Did you know that the development of the internal combustion engine came about partly because of the laws of thermodynamics? Do you have any idea what men were behind the thermodynamical laws? None other than physicists--and Satanists--Nicolas Carnot, James Joule, and Lord William Thomson Kelvin.

These three were similar in that they were all obsessed with fire. What's more is that Kelvin believed that the world began from a molten state and was around a hundred million years old. Thus began the trend of scientists making bigger and bigger lies about how old the Earth is. Scientists now spread forth the fiction that the Earth is 4.6 billion years old. If Lord Kelvin had known that the trend would have continued, he might have claimed the Earth was as old as God, thus making the Earth the ultimate idol.

Lord Kelvin, Joule, and Carnot began their youths strikingly similar, as any demented and perverted young boy would: They began playing with fire! Fire enthralled Carnot even more than the other two fire worshippers. Fire was Carnot’s new lord, aka Lucifer. Carnot became so fond of fire that he wrote out his own holy book about fire-worship. In his Devil Fire book, he dreamed up what is now the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The Second Law was the most evil and most untrue, really it’s more of a “theory” of thermodynamics. The Second Law said that perpetual motion machines were impossible. But I've handcrafted 13 perpetual motion machines already. Big Oil and Big Science want to use Big Lies to keep us from discovering that we can all power our houses and cars forever, without ever running out of energy. The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy is always the same amount. Well, if energy is always the same amount, then don't you think you can always use the same energy over and over again? Thus shouldn't you be permitted to use a perpetual motion machine? Scientists just cannot keep their story straight.

Because Kelvin and other physicists were ignorant and evil enough to, they incorporated Carnot's Second Law into their own Pagan Fire Religion. Thus the North American Railroad Company was able to swindle hundreds of millions of dollars by pretending that perpetual motion machine engines were impossible. I once built my own perpetual motion train but the NARCs stole it and now some evil rich asshole is driving it up and down the railroad tracks pretending that it constantly needs new fuel.

A lot of Young Earth Creationists I've talked to claim that the Second Law disproves evolution. Those unfortunate souls are all caught up in a big lie perpetuated by Carnot, Kelvin, Joule, and others. Evolution is one big reductio ad absurdum that does not need to be disproved with thermodynamics since it already disproves itself. If you ask any evolutionist, why aren't there half-humans and half-apes walking around and why wasn't my mom a chimpanzee, they get confused real quick. They try to cover it up with laughs, but you know they're crying on the inside. Though in fairness, my grandaddy Gary Trunckles WAS in fact a monkey. He liked to groom himself quite frequently and he did use sticks and logs as rudimentary tools.

Anyway, perpetual motion machines are possible. I've made 13 of them and my perpetual motion machine train is still at large. Naturally, I keep all the specifics on how these work to myself and don't let anyone look at the inner workings. But I'll be happy to demonstrate it. I just need a liiiiiittle bit more money invested into it. I'm on the cusp of releasing these if The Man doesn't hold me back.

This was a sample chapter from our book, Explain THAT, Science!

Wanna like, own a copy? Here you go.